Prayer and Intuition

It is just a few days into Lent and I have already failed in my abstinence of chocolate, and my prayers haven't been that consistent. But this is a path of growth, I have to remind myself.

I came across a quote today that summed up what I was trying to explain in my first post. Lorna Byrne, an Irish woman who communicates with angels (...yes... i know, I'll return to that) offered spiritual advice to a publisher named Jonathan Black on his website that rang true:

Lorna Byrne has been advising me on my spiritual practice. She tells me how, if we persist, parts of ourselves are enlivened by it and continue to pray after we've - consciously - stopped.

I recall that when I habitually prayed, and prayed with the heart, it had that same effect on me. It was like I was seeing the world through a new set of lenses, set in a much deeper tone. But the prayer had to be with faith and I remember feeling the rewards of it.

Similarly, he adds that Rudolf Steiner's advised that conscious work over 21 days creates permanent change in the etheric body.

Now, I'm not entirely sure what Steiner means by "etheric body" but I'm going to look into his work. Even just the title of one of his books, "Intuitive Thinking as a Spiritual Path", seems to match my own experience of developing my intuition and spirituality.

My hard heart is my main obstacle. It is a lack of strong burning faith, and it is difficult for me to pray meaningfully and make sacrifices if the foundation of my faith isn't that strong. Did Jesus rise from the dead? Is that the question I should be pursuing?

Reform

It is the Sunday before Lent and I am preparing my heart for the next 40 days, where I will attempt to bring myself closer to God.

I have lost a great sense of my spirituality in recent months, or even almost years, I received a quiet rekindling of spirit on a recent pilgrimage. I could sense myself pushing it away, maybe because I don't know if I am ready for the consequences of allowing God, or my belief in God, to return. In a way, I am anxious for some sense of my spirituality to return, not necessarily because I have logically accepted the intellectual path to Christianity or anything that complicated. Rather, in the past I have found that when I practiced a more devout life, my intuition has come more attuned to my circumstances and surroundings. I had become more sensitive to subtleties that I may have overlooked had I not been thinking of everyday events in terms of good and evil, as though there is the potential to exercise virtue in seemingly mundane ordinary decision.

I am a point in my life where big change lay around the corner and I feel great anticipation towards an uncertain future. I want to be sure that I am able to recognize the "right" path, the right actions to take so that I don't miss any opportunity.

I realize that I am using spirituality as a tool, to detect God at work in my life, or at least, a sign that maybe there is some purpose to what I am doing, and that I may find the unforeseen righteousness that brings me delight on a higher level.

This is just a start and I realize that I should define what I mean by "returning to God" more clearly. I'll have to update later.