It is the Sunday before Lent and I am preparing my heart for the next 40 days, where I will attempt to bring myself closer to God.
I have lost a great sense of my spirituality in recent months, or even almost years, I received a quiet rekindling of spirit on a recent pilgrimage. I could sense myself pushing it away, maybe because I don't know if I am ready for the consequences of allowing God, or my belief in God, to return. In a way, I am anxious for some sense of my spirituality to return, not necessarily because I have logically accepted the intellectual path to Christianity or anything that complicated. Rather, in the past I have found that when I practiced a more devout life, my intuition has come more attuned to my circumstances and surroundings. I had become more sensitive to subtleties that I may have overlooked had I not been thinking of everyday events in terms of good and evil, as though there is the potential to exercise virtue in seemingly mundane ordinary decision.
I am a point in my life where big change lay around the corner and I feel great anticipation towards an uncertain future. I want to be sure that I am able to recognize the "right" path, the right actions to take so that I don't miss any opportunity.
I realize that I am using spirituality as a tool, to detect God at work in my life, or at least, a sign that maybe there is some purpose to what I am doing, and that I may find the unforeseen righteousness that brings me delight on a higher level.
This is just a start and I realize that I should define what I mean by "returning to God" more clearly. I'll have to update later.