“My God, I desire with all my heart to do Your holy will, I submit in all things and absolutely to Your good pleasure for time and eternity; and I wish to do this, Oh my God, for two reasons; first: because You are my Sovereign Lord and it is but just that Your will should be accomplished; secondly: because I am convinced by faith, and by experience that Your will is in all things as good and beneficent as it is just and adorable, while my own desires are always blind and corrupt; blind, because I know not what I ought to desire or to avoid; corrupt, because I nearly always long for what would do me harm. Therefore, from henceforth, I renounce my own will to follow Yours in all things; dispose of me, Oh my God, according to Your good will and pleasure.”
The most relevant part of that quote to me is that I do not know what I desire. Like many people today, I do not have any job security for the future. My current contract is up in a month in a country where I am, as of yet, not legally permitted to remain. I may be moving back "home" in a month's time, and I am not sure how to prepare for that upheaval. I do not have any desire to pursue a job or a life anywhere else.
I remember reading something along the lines that God is responsible for the desires of your heart, and if He didn't want them there, he would take them away. I also suppose that to mean that if He wanted something else for me, He would place a burning desire that would lead me to where I ought to be.
For now, I hope to remain where I am and pray that my contract be renewed, if it is God's will. If it is not, I have not the slightest inkling of what He wants for me. I am just trying to be patient during this time. I think that is the only thing that I can do as He has not placed any other desires in my heart. Or maybe I need to search a bit deeper...
1 comment:
thanks for posting the prayer. and thanks for your ramblings. I find them enlightning.
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